i look at the sec3s and they're all mugging so fast already. hello, it's only start august! i only started studying one week before the real thing. hey, considering my results, it ain't that bad k.

but then, i'm really afraid that history is going to repeat itself. like it has for the past..... all the years. didn't matter that i slacked in p6 too. i was smarter then.

i must start a revolution today.

-----
pls do not read on if you do not know me well, or just want to laugh at me. continue reading after the next demarkation in bold.






it's been more than a year, today. the jumpings, the screamings, the shoutings, the joy, the fun, the youth, the laughter. more than a year. trade-in for a sombre service. i can't help but look back. the wonderful service the "only our age-rs" had that night. almost 2 years ago. past mignight. in that hotel walkway. it was wonderful. it was melodious. and i remember what V said very clearly. the network. to wake her up. and drag her back. hahaha. ah well.

and our dream. our wish to expand. we would be 2, 3 times bigger. by the same time the next year. look where i am now. -derisive laugh- i am nowhere. i am nothing. but i guess you move on without me. i suddenly miss it all. everything. everyone. is what i did right? but you can do without me i guess. move on. leave me in the lurch. after all, you've finally given up haven't you. i'm just nothing. to the whole body of it all. i guess you could call me the faeces.

then, a few months ago. an even bolder step by me. and my parents allowed it. now i'm free. but in more bondage than ever before. interesting how life can be such a paradoxical oxymoron. i'm here now, am i not? and i am free. but is it right?

as much as i miss some individuals, i cannot. i cannot return. i'm just in too much shame. remember the prodigal son? his dad accepted him back. but this ain't no parable. this is life. nothing is ever as perfect as it sounds like. the parable of the 10 bridesmaids? in real life, the ratio's probably 3:7, in favour of the lazy pigs. i cannot go back.

it is no longer my place.

do you still remember me?
do you still miss me?
do you recall the halcyon days of old?












-------

you may continue now, though i bet all you fuckers read thru it, disregarding my warning.

i hate all the sanctimonious religious hypocrites, from every single religion. although christians seem to make up the bulk of it, rather "christians". are you even doing what you're supposed to do? or just languishing around, holding that title but not putting it to good use. i know i'm not God to judge you, and he'll probably forgive you faster than i ever will. then again, he isn't human, what does he know.

as i was saying. don't go around preaching love and joy and everyone is equal and you're my brother and/or sister in christ, when you go around discriminating. hypocrites, in school. really you are. and in your orchard social life. all you people, you know who i'm talking about.

you go to chuch, but what does it mean? church doesn't mean anything, as i have learnt. it's all in the heart. there can be teenagers who want to to church but can't because of their devout buddhist/taoist/muslim/hindu parents, but still hide in their bedrooms and read the bible by themselves and pray. i'm sure they're much more in tune than you ever will, going to church week after week for a cute guy or for a pretty girl.

i suggest you stop going to church than continue to worsen things. hah, interesting eh. what a piece of advice! but i rather you don't be a hypocrite. don't proclaim things and be all self-righteous when who knows what else you do behind your god-loving facade.

whatever religion you are, if you blasphemize it by being hypocritical behind your religious leader's back when they can't see you in your other lives, you can go and die.

you can jolly well go to your respective hells and rot there.

on the flip side, i really admire shane. the rest? foff.
quixoticka eulogized @ 1:17:00 pm