for a long time, i've been asking myself what it all means. why the fc*k do i bother. why do i do all this? why did i start out in the first place?

it means nothing. it ended with nothing.
but i am glad. i am relieved.
ru2 shi4 zhong4 fu4.
it is over.

everything is over.

emptiness.

we may throw away everything now.

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actually, this is ridiculous. discounting my lousy self, i'd still say it again. and i'd tell anyone hulletian who gloats it in my face, that from the start it was never fair, from the day they screwed up dramafeste into a piece of crappy crap that janda tua who has utterly horrible whorrible crap taste into an obligatory "dramatic" script writing fiasco.

the one thing. the one thing that i was supposed to be good at, i couldn't pull through. and now there's like no consideration at all. i'll really laugh in mole's face if by some fluke demons prove to be tougher and can show their true colours, and be free and not limited to their underground hell. but i guess it's unlikely. -shrugs-

my life is in monochrome. monochrome, and restricted.

actally, even before that. the day they said that swimming carnival was cancelled, i knew it.

i told everyone to stay strong, to remain optimistic and positive that we could still do it. hell yeah we fought our bloody way, clinching almost every small event to claw our bloody (literally) way back to the top. and what happens? it all falls flat. because of today.

i guess i finally gave up at the end. i knew it was hopeless. whatever.

it may be official, but i will never accept a hullett win, and i'm sure the rest of the school won't. you do not win by skewed competition. everyone knew it, the school knows it, that swimming was our forté. but obviously, no it had to be totally disregarded. with absolutely no consideration for like slight reparations. none whatsoever. we've been highly disadvantaged.

i don't deny hullett's strength, but unless you play the full game, you never know the true standard. it's just like a game of bridge (disgusting analogy) you may think you'd have lost but you should play right to the very last set.

morrison is a strong house. kudos to them. moor has really improved since last year. buckley.. let's just say they're out of the picture this time.

not like it matters anyway. nothing ever does. fifty years on, i wouldn't even remember my classmates.

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*snort. jinwei thought it was really insulting that he got the same marks as me for bio. knowing his character, i said that to him. he was flabbergasted that 1. he didn't get a distinction so he couldn't gloat as usual and say "EXPECTED" and 2. that i got the same as him. technically i've beated him if you compare the ratios of time spent studying and (grudingly,) brain power even though we got the same score.

his quotes ain't gonna bring him nowhere. knowledge without the proper usage means nothing. it's just verbal diaorrhea, and honestly more than half the time they aren't pertinent to the discussion. just a typical showoff.

even if he knows, i don't care. it's disgusting, and it's pathetic.

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x-country was really fun. in a way that many of the sec4s walked together to the thing. i know i didn't participate, but it wouldn't have made an impact whether i qualified or not. the difference was just too great. but anyway, while it lasted, it was fun. the whole mass of like more than 10 people walking back, facing the oncoming runners and cheering them. that sec1, what's his name.. starsky? he's damn on. goodstuff.

very nice.

the walk back with woochiao was nice also. i guess. it's over lar. everything's over already. regrets now don't mean anything to me. proclamation and admission of regrets don't mean anything to me when they come so late. if you really mean it, they should come earlier and not in retrospect. but hey wait, regrets come about due to retrospect. i guess what i was looking for was an aplogy. it was a clumsy attempt at wrapping up everything. whatever.

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i'm a failure to the house, and i'm happy that i'll stop screwing it soon when we pass on officially to the sec3s. i'm lousy, and i suck, and i took on something that should have been given to someone more capable than me, like kefeng. sec 3s, good luck on the dirty task and don't ever lost the fire. this is your vicecap (whom wasn't very well known in the first place) signing out.
quixoticka eulogized @ 8:39:00 pm