Two big things happened today. The VJC Open House as well as our Graduation Ceremony.

The VJ Open House thingie right, was like, yeah, ok, you know, fine. No offence to all VJC-ians, current or ex who might be reading this, but I feel the open house didn't live up to the expectations we would have of them due to their reputation of being a very happening and hip school. I thought the clowns and stuff were not bad, many freebies and stuff, nice dance. But somehow, there was something missing. -shrugs- Maybe it's just me.

Met some friends from other schools who I had or may not really have been having much contact with at the open house too. It's nice to see you all again.

I got dragged to watch the TSD performance by ra.chel lar, ma.tin and I. Then all the mats came in later, fa.iruz passed me his bakkwa coupon and I jokingly said, why don't the rest all pass it to me too, haha and he really asked them to. HAHA. Oh my goodness, their drama room is so small, English Studio is like so many million times better. They had this fairy-human squabble which looked like a lesbian catfight which was quite hilarious. Then when we came out, everyone had disappeared and were all at the principal's talk. Hmm, so just walked around abit. The study tables in the library remind me of kindergarten teatime tables. Bright, cheery, but plastic and short. And in mass.

I ate lunch with jo.nng, b.ala, ro.ngch.eng, be.nuel and br.ian at Yoshinoya at Parkway. Quality time with class, haha. Then on the way to school on the train, something happened. Haha, something happened and I was like OMG. Go ask those present if you want to know, haha.

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We reached school, siy.uan was passing around his deck of cards for signatures, as we know a certain character didn't appear cos he was mugging at home, and everyone was just talking and talking away.

I am SO thankful that it didn't rain. Really, very, the weather was very good throughout the whole thing, and so we weren't subject to like the leaking roof.

As I went on stage to collect my file, I realized that that will probably be the only time I'm the subject of the whole school's attention and more, and I soaked it in, duh. And dec.ruz went, "must do better for Os arh". Hmm. Right. Did anyone notice that the class quotes thing was abolished?

I liked the video, (and not because I was featured inside it), yeah, it was very nostalgic. And as someone, or manyones said, it was basically a 4E production. Hahaha, I don't care, 4E rocks. Joj made his speech in the end, my father loved it.

Now that I have officially graduated, I can say a little more things with ease. My father was telling my mother of how I'm like him, haha, do a lot of work, but don't get recognized. And YES, to a certain Triple-L, -rolls my eyes-. I was damn pissed okay, when I went on stage, all the other people I knew, all had great accolades piled onto them. What did I get? Nothing. I'm pretty damn sure I deserve at least 2 Merit Awards for somestuffs, but I didn't get it at all. FUCK it k. FUCK IT. It's not my fault if I can't suck up well enough or if I had shit T. in-charges. This isn't fair k. I definitely put in more time and effort than some people. It may not have been this year, but apparently that's jst what the people up there, that panel of judges base things on. They only look at this year's participation. This is my major gripe. Thanks alot for screwing up my testimonial and citation, when it could have been much better. No service award, nothing. The seasons will pass and everyone will forget my non-getting of anything, but I will always remember the day of when I was robbed. Of course you would say, as long as you know it in your heart, never mind lah, or what shit. Sometimes it is about getting recognized. A teacher once asked me if I was for the glory or for the service, and I thought, why can't both come together? Apparently nobody believes in that. Like, I love the -insert students activity here- and I want to contribue and put in time and effort, and let the world know that I love it too. What's wrong. But no, nothing. All that time and effort, nothing. Wasted.

Yeah. Anyway, I remember Alb.ar's talk about the wave of emotion when the music plays. And that was just it. When the piano started playing, when the voices started soaring, when the rows of boys started swaying, my heartstrings started pulling. It's really hard not to get moved by events of such major grandscale like this. Of course the fact that If We Hold On Together was chosen was a plus point, because it's a very beautiful and moving song. And who could forget the proud Institution Anthem and the final Raffles cheers (for some). To honestly see everyone participating and joining in for once. Maybe it's too late, but it's not too little, too late. If you noticed, whenever we have Monday assemblies, there will always be more people singing the Institution Anthem than the National Anthem, that just shows how good it is.

the tears offered to come to his eyes, but he pushed them aside.

After the thing, there was reception and everyone was rah-rah-happily taking photos. I lingered around to soak in the atmosphere and get some pictures with some people. Yeah, shall be getting them uploaded soon.

I flitted around for the most part, a sudden, cold, realisation that I don't really have loads and loads of friends. Someone close to me listed down what he would do again if he had the chance. I know what I would have done. I would have definitely taken the opportunity to get to know more people. Especially in a place like Raffles. I would have been more forthcoming, more open, but all that means nothing now, as all I am now is just a name, a statistic in the school, where my records will be destroyed 50 years down the road. So will I be, after I die. My sons and daughters and my spouse and my grandsons and granddaughters and friends will mourn the loss of me, assuming I die a natural death, but after that, who comes? No one remembers anymore. A lost name in time, Someone who lived, and then died. I want to make my impact on this earth before I leave. It may not have been in secondary school (too late to say that now anyway), but next time when I grow up, I'll be something big. And mind you, it's liufangbaishi, not yichouwannian.

Perhaps why I don't cry is because I'm older? Is that it? Even though I'm alone only to myself, I still don't cry? Or is it for the simple fact that I will still be returning to school after the Os to finish my yearbook duties?

I can't bear to leave, really. And so do many people I know. There are all the good people I've known, will talk about them another day. The things I've done, the things I've achieved, the things I've contributed. After visiting VJ today, I understand now what they mean by the wonderful facilities we have. Our school is really great. And we take it for granted, like nobody's business. That it's just there and we just abuse it. That's another thing. I have to come back one of these days and admire the stuff.

Anyway, I went back with my parents. I know everyone went out with their friends or classmates, but after all the speeches made which honoured the "supportive parents", I realised how little I've been interacting with them, and decided that was a perfect time to do it.

No matter what anyone says, there's always something special about Raffles.

I should stop now. Auspicium Melioris Aevi.
quixoticka eulogized @ 11:34:00 pm