Four years, 48 months, 208 weeks, 1456 days.
It has come down to this.
I am damn pissed.

























Naught.
The wonderful free verse of black and emptiness.


Decoy at the top, I wonder how successful it will be.
My life has been nothing but a joke.
Laughter. Marco once said that you could choose to look at your life as a tragedy, or see everything as funny. I choose the latter. Macabre humour, that's what it is. Laughing at the pathetic - me. I laugh at the irony of situations, and actually at the tragedy of them too. I don't laugh at people, I laugh at situations.

li.nkinp.ark song comes in play now, cos I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it didn't even matter. The pain is smarting, the pain hurts. You could twist it and say that I was never noticed in the first place, but that makes it even worse instead of better. A stupid piece of non-biodegradable polyester macromolecule pains me even more. It just serves as an eternal reminder that I never made it to the final lap, and that everything was a farce, a fiasco. I rather not have made it at all than to go to the end to be humiliated. The ornament was there by obligation. I rather not have it, so that I could forget it twenty years from now.

You. There from the start, and then you disappeared then reappeared in a different place, like Houdini. You. Do I hate you? Yes, I still do. I always will. I will never forgive you and your scheming manipulative ways. You are Penny to my Shii Ann. For all my love of Survivor, this isn't the game. Life isn't the game. You can screw me over if we were playing a game, fine whatever. But it isn't. You deserve the million dollars, but not my respect. Forgive. Never forgive you. Even if I do, I'll never forget. But wait, I have to fulfill the proverb. Fine then, I'll forgive you, and forget I ever knew you. It isn't long now.

I am unlucky, to start where I started. Things would have been much different if I had. I know how paths converge and diverge and intertwine to form a bigger one. Knowing your character and mine, we would have sooner or later, more later than sooner. But still, at least it wouldn't be that bad.

How right you were when you said what you are. You are worse than Caesar, you do not deserve comparisons to him. At least he was as constant as the Northern Star. You are as constant as an alternating current. The only thing constant is that it changes. I hope you honour what you last told me. Go far, far away and never let me see your face again, thy monstrous visage.

How can the Great Leap Forward be so successful for one, from the 11th century to the 7th Century, whilst others are just stuck at the 9th century?

Oh, and to make things even better, I'm stuck with a flat tire. Gear Zero, no acceleration, whilst others are in shift 3, full steam ahead. Ugly people make great racecar drivers, no one sees their face under the mask of a helmet. Oh, and you know why? I was sabotaged by a fatty, a bitch with a mole, a Chinacrap and Hitler-Stalin hybrid.

The best thing is that my lazy susan will be really lazy, and better still not even utilized cos no one is around. Oh you wanna be alone? Oh you wanna ponteng and mug for A Levels? Oh you wanna go back to your sar.awak? Oh you wanna join somewhere else? That's just fine and dandy. Oh that's great. Now I'll be paying $84 and wonder why wasn't I fast enough to beat WW to the pity game. But actually it's his forte, to sucker-punch sympathy freaks like sh.ane.

Yah lah yah lah, i'm a loser lah. And I know there's at least one bastard/bitch/fucktard out there who doesn't like me, yet keeps reading my blog and posting rubbish on the tagboard/guestbook whatever I lay out for you to leave messages on. If you really don't like me, please tell it to my face and stop hiding behind your spiderweb of Net anonymity. Better still, you could go back to your pathetic shit life. I have some sort of idea who it is, and your life is pathetic. Go to hell and never return, you whorebitch. If you don't like what I write, or more pertinently, me, why do you still bother to keep returning?

I've never felt so pissed in my whole 16.5 years before.


The world is black, and the world's a bitch. The world is a free-for-all. And there you have it, my wonderful free verse of black.

quixoticka eulogized @ 7:42:00 pm