02 today. what am i supposed to feel about it? and on whose side am i on? i don't know. that's what happens when you try to be everyone's friend.

am very tired. i see the dam breaking now. it's cracking, it's getting wider and wider, the pressure is rising, until everything crashes and breaks down and i'm washed over in your diaorrhea. stinky, dirty and smelly, i am utterly humiliated and pissed off. these ridiculous excuses for people will live on, high above it all.

augh. and all this bitching, like pls. leave me out. wallowing in self pity interesting how that applies to different people based on the viewpoints of different people. on each section of the spectrum there'll be some loser doing that, comforting our/themselves with loud noises and/or good looks, haughty behaviour and uppity "high-handedness". each thinking they're superior than the other group. fuck off, all. i am the measure, you bitches.

and i've decided that for the most part, i can't totally trust anyone running for council. i mean i can, but not a 100%. it's just too ridiculously dangerous. so competitive, so emotionally charged. so devious, so underhanded. all the talking going around behind each one's backs. seeing old friends turn on each other, in more instances than one pair. it's very sad. the devouring of the brother, Cain and Abel. am i my brother's keeper? sure, of his positions and his possessions. oh well, it's like everyone's conniving for a slice of the pie. that's what you get for too much focus on the L points and "thinkerleaderpioneers" shit. tut. until... they're actually there or have failed or something. when this month-long madness is finally over, then they will be people again. as for now.. heh. i stand alone.

ah well. on to some happier things. after the thingthing, went to hollandV and later heeren with some of the 02-teamers, just walked around inside there trying on stuff acting like certain people, lol. and hanging around some stupid shop with an ugly faye wong 24yrold looking bitch just to listen to toxic and ITZ. then lillian was obsessed with her jelly babies and we saw the chio men and saw the cdc guys (Didn't ask them why they were there though). and we took neos! i think neos is seriously a girl thing. it wouldn't be right for only guys to take Neos. but as long as there's one girl, it's fine. weird. anyway, yeah. we had this green backgrd (Cos i like it) and the pink gay craps. and obviously i looked the best in the green one. heh. =) anyway. yeah.

and i got yiha.n's letter as well. it was very nice of her. hope she won't regret her decision not to appeal and stuff. i mean, you still can you know, do it before it's too late! then again, that whole pencil postscript (that i suspect was added on at the last minute) seemed so firm and decisive. i suppose it was a subtle note that she'd made a resolution not to come back. i dunno, that's how i feel. and someone did something damn sweet and unexpected and just made me go oooooh and melt and go all gooey inside, and i was just like. omg. such is the feeling of closeness and the power of infatuation. i felt. almost at one.. eh, but i worked damn hard ok. the allures of like, friendship and double spheres of power and influence await. who cares as long as i benefit, lol. i may just get a permanent dose of eye candy, if i do say so myself. ugh. bad for the brain, just like real candy's bad for the teeth. you know, like obsession with sex, or a sugar addiction. that face! that voice! that smile! that.. omg !

things aren't so bad all the time. i suppose we can all go and die now. happy are we, and the merry our souls shall be.
quixoticka eulogized @ 11:54:00 pm