i borrowed books from the library today! i feel so satisfyingly mugger-ish by maxing out my 7 books limit. how fun.

and i did something weirdly contrasting now. i brought back a SEA hist book and a french rev book. i mean, just looking at it you know something's wrong. this isn't hc humans. somehow, they reflect my very nature of contrasting bi-polarity but never coming to a real consensus, a real decision. (using of symbols, haha) don't wanna leave, and don't wanna stay. and never knowing until the very eleventh hour. so you choose both, being a greedy ass.

i even question myself sometimes, am i even good enough for, you know. napoleon. and stuff like that. or should i just be satisfied with tonkin and anam. who says he's even going to offer himself up to me? who did i think i was.

anyway, it may seem weird to some that i'm being enthusiastic, but i don't think so. there's always 2 co-exisiting sides to me, and one says that you're staying for sometime, so you should do your best to to get along well. another one takes on the mentality of a cancer patient who knows he's dying but decides to live his remaining life to the max.

which am i? i am both. i am everything. and yet i realise all the time, i am absolutely nothing at all.

-----

i got a cute little doggywoggy today! thanks for it! it's really damn nice lor.
quixoticka eulogized @ 11:44:00 pm