dance nite was whoa. in all ways. the magnitude. the size. the people. the energy. the technique. the form. and i think that's about the only performing event that'll ever reach that state of being sold out. it seemed to be an event where everyone was present. somehow, there was something inspiring about the whole thing, yet at the same time feeling so crushed, but i've yet to put my finger on it. soon, i guess.

i especially liked hide and huson! their chemistry was so palpable, and you could tell they were enjoying it too. somehow their first performance, the let's rock one reminded me of pleasantville. and i liked the j3 dance that had that with painter's caps and gold sash cloth tops that started off as sillhouettes too! most of the night was great too. even the three (overkill!) chinese dances were tolerable. the last chinese dance was quite funny, when she started off with her feet gripping the fan, i thought, what the hell is that? is she pretending to be a head of lettuce or a carrot? i think s.weesen thought i was mad. oh, and someone used msn during the mongolian dance with jingly-jangly bells and exuberant crimson flare skirts. there was the signature "deng!" sound that came on halfway during one of those periodic silences, and wooch and i just exchanged weird looks. heh. i did feel though that there could be a wider range of dances which unfortunately weren't represented that night. oh well.

anyway, thanks for the stuffs that i got. the scent. the friendship band. yada yada. thanks, really.

i've been doing some silly things. purposefully taking longer routes home. wilfully staying out late with some friends. just to give that illusion. that facade. that fake sense of security that i'm preoccupied. but it seems to be backfiring. at the end of the day, i'm just so alone. and i stand to lose and gain nothing from it all. everything. even those that were already a given. and everyone just keeps on rocketing whilst i keep on plummeting. that sucks, but life's not fair. i just got the short end of the stick from day one.

i think the way my money disappears is rather ridiculous. people spend their money on designer clothing or food or books or movies. guess what i spend my money on? taking the taxi. zoom! 15 bucks each time i take it to school. zoom. there it goes.

begin with the end in mind. my emotional faculties are being threatened to actually be suspended. or frozen. i don't know what. i never expected this kind of ending, where i'm heading to. i had something totally opposite in mind. but it appears that i'm doing ahundredeighty, and about-turn. and going on to some other "better" things, if one may call it such. return to normalcy, after the leap-year cycle. return home. return to mama.

i want you. (or at least i think i do)

you were my lesson
i had to learn
i was your fortress
you had to burn
fame is a warning that something's wrong
i pray to god that it won't be long
do you wanna go higher
there's nothing left to try
there's no place left to hide
there's no greater power
than the power of goodbye

i can't believe i started the inevitable about a year before everyone would. oh well, here it is. dang. 20 more months.
quixoticka eulogized @ 11:00:00 pm