in a rather testy mood lately. i come to that point of time in my life again, when i realise that my writing is just plain terrible. there's no style. i mean, there is style but it's rather clumsy style, if you know what i mean. others can write in a sophisticated manner, i just write my heart out. blah. there goes my dreams of joining the media. my vocabulary is terrible too. i've got to sign up for one of those new-word-a-day email. one from dictionary.com and one from merriam-webster. supposing i know about 50 of the words they each send me, i'll learn about 600 words a year (notice how approximation comes as a reflex to me as the typical stupid arts student). hmm. passable, i guess.

it doesn't help that i sorta stand corrected to my vilifications towards the humansdept. thanks goes out to aps for telling me the truth. ah well, embarassment. -shrugs- not that i'm really that good anyway, who did i think i was? a humans scholar? i'm just an arts student with 6 points. good luck to all CAP applicants. i shall continue writing my own deviant poetry. if there's popular demand i'll put up the b.flytrilo-, but it's getting boring. and i hate digging it up repeatedly. after all, it's on some CD that's chucked away in a corner of my house. berns, you do not wield that much power over my publishing options. i guess the beauty in that work of art came in how personal it was. i only write personal poetry, anyway. i never write generic poetry, most of the time. can't relate to it.

and all the jibes and mock guilt that i have to face up to everyday, just cos i'm so damn tired out physically due to the fact that i'm trying my darndest to become the very thing that you're teasing me about, but i'm not even there yet? you realise? sheesh. man, i honestly don't want to give a shit anymore? augh. and the apathy, the laziness and the irresponsibility. it's freaking irritating, i wonder if you're even serious. i mean, what's the point? you're here already, you might as well make the best out of instead of bitch continuously on and on about how you're not gonna make it and how it's a waste of time, etcetc. please don't pull down the rest with your terrible attitude. gosh, the damned cloth.

disappointed with the response towards the posters as well. looks like i can throw away my aspirations of being an ad designer as well. i mean, i seriously thought it was a cool idea lor. too bad it was too abstract to get unless people actually stopped to think about it.

irritated with the class during econs today, and that usual talk about training for leadership. like, whatever man. cut me some slack. why doesn't he get anything, whilst i get all the flak? and really, you shouldn't be so kind to me. all of you. i appreicate it, but i don't think i deserve it. i wonder what i'd do without you guys, seriously. it's nice knowing that you have a group supporting you all the way. but i don't think i'm up for it. not charismatic, good looking, yada yada. thanks for having all the trust and faith in me, i won't ever forget it.

quixoticka eulogized @ 11:48:00 pm