oh well.

shouldawouldacoulda are the last words of a fool. that's not to say i'm not pissed. but i guess as time goes on it won't be acute anymore. it'll just be this dull throbbing pain every now and then, when i see them running about. when i see them planning stuff. when i see them having fun. when i see them staying back till ungodly hours. after we graduate, all that won't matter anymore. but- before that, whilst i'm still trapped in this institution. it means the world.

well, seen these on lotsa blogs but finally decided to copy it from bern's.

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1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
subsidiaries (including equity and debt securities, deposit placements and security landings)

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
a blue holepuncher which has accompanied me since primary school

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?
the news, i think.

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:
2pm

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:
1.57 (always faster, heh)

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
nelly furtado's try along with some construction noises outside.

7: When did you last step outside? What were you doing?:
yesterday. i'd just come back from school.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?:
google. searching for someone.

9: What are you wearing?:
the usual casualwear you throw on at home

10: Did you dream last night?:
no, but i did dream the night before. and the dream was exactly the opposite of reality. how screwedup.

11: When did you last laugh?:
last night, on the phone with wooch

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
this isn't my room, if not i'd say shades of green paint and one of those inspirational posters. it's the guest room, therefore cream-coloured paint, the aircon, and the roller-railings for curtains.

14(a): What book are you currently reading?:
none at the moment.

14(b): What is the last book you finished?:
the 5 people you meet in heaven by mitch albom

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
relationships with people i'd otherwise never ever ever ever get to know or get closer to in my lifetime, no matter how hard i tried.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
which you?
if its you1, i love you.
if its you2, i hate you.
and if its you34567.., you obviously haven't made enough impact on me in the past24hrs to be placed in top2.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would it be?
insensitivity

19: Do you like to dance?:
i wish i were better at it, tho.

20: What is the last thing you ate or drank?
porridge.

21(a): Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
something that ends with the "ah" sound. and/or starts with J, K or L

21(b): Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
a name that sounds definitively xy-chromosomeish. and/or starts with B, D or K

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
not really, since human nature's the same everywhere. nothing's going to change wherever i go - so i'll just be satisfied with singapore. at least i have friends here.

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i searched for your name on google just now. i can't believe the things i'm doing. passive pining, in that sense. i feel like killing myself. at least then i can volunteer for guardian angel duty. though you'd never know it. you don't even have a clue right now. this is mad. this is ridiculous. yesterday's double (or maybe triple, depending on how you see it) whammy was so bad. just so bad.

i'd like to shout it out to the whole world, and yet i can't. it's been 3 years already. my that's quick. hmm - actually when i was younger i was more receptive. and i was more helpful. i brought them together. and at that same moment, i wanted to bring them apart. all for my own selfish self.

and what do i see now? a free agent, in survivorsucks messhalltribalcouncil terms. to get to the final2 in today's treacherous world, you need 2 free agents to make it all the way to the end. dyads get taken out easily, as the obvious power structure.
quixoticka eulogized @ 2:29:00 pm