reached home at 11.50 last night, but only just got the time and mustered the nerves and energy to sit here to type. how fun, i work myself up for everyone's pleasure.

ok, whatever. i found cip camp rather boring, but maybe that's cos i didn't get to interact much with the kids, instead i was just a games i/c. the last time i had some sort of cip camp with underpriveleged kids was about 2 years ago, and i did remember feeling very touched and moved, because i was physically involved. yup, so i know what it's like, and i think i wanna signup for the follwups for this holiday at least. children are really fun things, and i suppose i might just end up working with them for my job in the future if only to remind myself of younger days. those kids, for all their underpriveleged-ness, are really smart cookies, not to mention tough and fast. oh well, they rock.

on the other hand, i found it rather amusing to get cip hours by playing hangman on end and to distribute cakes and curry puffs. food i/c!

my impression has changed, of some people too. much nicer, really when you get up close to someone. they appear rather affable too. authoritative at the right times, and i didn't exactly see a bimbo at all. so yeah, my tinted glasses have been replaced. actually they were already quite clear lar, just slightly murky with caution and suspicion.

oh and council room has everything inside! it's really like a treasure trove and with the right amount of luck you can obtain anything you desire or require.

made some friends today, or rather furthered relationships. heh.

i suppose there must be something to be said of stupid cip checklists everytime you finish an event. asking you about silly inane questions to show that you've learnt something out of the whole experience before awarding you hours. how bureaucratic, as if their whole system isn't already disgusting enough.

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enough. theOddCouple, or theOC for short, was really good. commendable cast, especially the 2 mainleads, bernie's co-actor and the senile woman whose husband thought she dressed too sexily, in a Ms-Swan like getup. utterly fantastic and professional set, very detailed, very real, lots of heart and soul put into it, up to the door and the real pasta smashed against the wall and the dehumidifier and the genuine roses.

and the wrapping of a box containing a silky patch of cloth, the spastic answers from a huge book, the insinuations from a picture depicting suggestive-sounding words, the calling just before - on the way there, the surprisingly well-accepted revelation in the taxi, that mad rush in, that nice little shared experience. the short bursts of conversation soaking it all in. everything.

it was really weird, but after awhile, it became rather fun(ny) and naughty. the play was good. yeah.

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how can you be so popular and so famous, yet be so alone? so poignantly ironic, to see you standing solitary there, gazing on with a slight forlorn look, that i wanted to just hug you there and then.

something you said made me realise that the chances are infinitesimally small, if not just for the sake of convention alone. it's not even about inclinations, your heart's not even free in the first place. and that is a greater obstacle that is possibly impossible to overcome. it's like scaling up a slope with a negative gradient.

and you are so nice, so sweet and yet so knowledgable. i wouldn't have expected that from such an effusive, bubbly character. such complexities, such depth. and so cultured, believe it or not!

why aren't you online anymore.

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there was a time when i felt something like that, but in not such a strong way. when we were all still family, but incest? now that's just wrong. and a double sin would have just made matters worse. and so i thumbed my feelings down.

but now everything has changed, and we're all cut off, voluntarily or not. but it doesn't matter. that connection, that association doesn't remain anymore. there's a reduction in the level of wrong-ness, i suppose. out of papa's immediate reach.

and i really wonder, what the f#$% am i doing, with the intention of screwing up the lives of two people. yours and mine, the former more, the latter less. sorry, it should be even more.

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somewhere after midnight
in my wildest fantasy
somewhere just beyond my reach
there's someone reaching back from me
quixoticka eulogized @ 7:21:00 pm