dear loyal readers of this blog (however much of you that are still remaining in singapore/have internet access at whichever part of the globe you're on at this moment in time), i shall be out of the country tomorrow, attempting to scale a mound of earth that's said to be quite a few times the height of bukit timah, in some retarded country. if i'm still alive after it all, wondering what on earth i'm there for after missy's countless prophecies of doom, i shall be seeing you darlings on thursday night. -grin- please don't send me any sms-es or stuff. allow my inboxes their sanity. if by some fluke i do die, you know i love you. every single one of you. and.. i guess since i won't be around anymore. those who know my secrets i give you permission (how pompous and self righteous of me!) to reveal them to the world (who knows if you already have), not like they'd care besides the few days of rampant gossip.

well. i've handed up all my holiday homework. or rather, work overdue from the term. so my conscience is a bit lighter now, i can live through these 3 weeks without having something weighing on me.

was at bishan today. and it's funny how all my memories suddenly evaded me. and all i could feel was just this huge swelling of mixed emotions. i think as time goes by, that's exactly what happens. it strips away the empirical details of your memories and leaves behind the core, of which is just your feelings. everything else was built around it. and that gig on saturday? (amazing playing) i just felt loads and loads of nostalgia. at the end, later. there was a bit of tugging at the heart i guess. i think. i think so. i think it was. but no, in the end the whole thing was mostly about my past. and not my future, so to speak.

this is just... weird. if what happened just now should prove anything, all i've been having is deep infatuation after deep infatuation. but the thing is, the opportunity, the chance is FINALLY here. it's right there, open for me. a backdoor one, no doubt, but still one. but if i pick it up, doesn't that mean i'm just fickle? damn, when i prided myself on being able to be loyal.

but you have struck a great impression on me. and what others have said about you too. but like i said, you negates you which DEFINITELY negates all chances of yous ever again. i mean, in a general sense. mostly, lar. at the most, just bulldoze the bloody fence. but why? i mean, why do you suddenly have to come into my life at this juncture. you of but an hour or so. you who is for REAL. no more fantasies, no more dreams. it's there. immortality love. take it, it's yours. but why? there must be some catch.

and, there are really things beyond raffles. many many things. there are so many people out there, so many to get to know. maybe you're right. as in the first you without all the frills. yes, you. maybe i should have gone to vjc. for one it's much closer to my home. after next year, the world is there. so many things to explore. isn't that the wonder of life? so many different people, so many different lives. to get to know all the various people out there. for everyone, truly, is different.

isn't it funny how if someone looks good, it is so much easier for us to forgive their character and personality flaws? that slowly we will disregard them, and even come to love them for it? and somehow they accentuate each other, the looks and the flaws, a mutual process? and isn't that what love is all about, loving someone for his/her good points and even more for the bad? then that proves yet again that people who look good have an advantage in life.

sorry, i know i've got lots of thoughts churning. but i just don't know the right way to express them.

wooch, this is for you: sometimes, when all we want is just the Final Desirable Destination, all we get is a mirage that continually evades us. i hope that got you thinking, and proved my prowess at the same time. =)

soulmate, i don't know why. i'm missing you. come back soon. we need to conquer this world together, and go into the next.

nicky, thanks for all you've done for me, really. i'm just confused over it all. and one day, i guess i'll explain everything to you. i have to. i owe it to you to give you an explanation. fill in the gaps in the puzzle and muddle in your head now about me. and i have a feeling that day is coming soon. it has to. it must.

hadri and berns, love ya lots. for you probably know almost everything about me. =)

i've no bloody idea why i'm doing shoutouts. ah well. hope it isn't some ominous portent of my fate. the subconcious screaming out to have its last say. nah, it shall not be.

two men. two women. and they were all of utmost importance. two from the past, two from the present. all for the future, hopefully. four directions. but all bounded to the central core of existence. at this pitstop. they were all that really mattered. dongnanxibei. kongsaisixu. zhong.
quixoticka eulogized @ 8:05:00 pm