edit: what hypocrisy, what shit. from the supposed guiding lights. how can you just turn around after a huge, -physical- argument and then pretend half a day later, that nothing happened. that there were no heated words exchanged, that there were no cold glares, that there were no empty threats? oh, they're empty alright, a few days later you'll just forget it all, and that's when the cycle of a blue moon happens all over again.

and i am so alone, and then some. there's a hero in all of us, but when that hero dies, that's when we need someone else to pick us up. where is my hero? of course i could name preferred choices, but (recalling econs knowledge), demand is only effective when you have the intention and the ability to pay for what you want. i definitely don't. the opportunity cost is just too great, when you think of what could have been, if it does happen of course. it's a one-way round, a point of no return for anyone.

bern: i wasn't really referring to -- although you could make a case for that too. rather, it was the other, giggly (invokes images of bennifer's flop - jiggly? geelee? how do you pronounce that ridiculous name?) party that would have been an obvious case for scrutiny had such an event happened a few months ago. love doesn't just, as in iago's view, have to be about twisted lust (though we mortals view it in the other way) all the time. it can be wholly in the sense of love for friendship and companionship.

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random thoughts.

1. spider-man 2's good. what with the action and the web slinging and the corn and the loveydovey parts. i remember always picking spiderman when i used to play marvel vs capcom heroes. my other partner would be gambit or rouge. woohoo. ah well. but sam raimi's racist against asians. what with the ridiculous portrayal of a street violin/banjo/ukelele player with a simple and silly tune that never failed to get me up in stitches as well as the dumping of a baby in a closet? what screwed up parents would do that? and the mother with her chopped chinese accent. ah well.

2. wheee. prac crit was a killer, sadly enough. especially when it wasn't supposed to be. i feel dumb for maths, and it's my fault for screwing up a do-able paper because i was lazy to do practice. great, now i have two F grades in the bag, and remedials coming my way.

3. rjc's the only mad jc that has people mugging their asses off for a test that's not even counted for promos or whatever, as opposed to all the other jcs. maybe that's why they don't count it, cos it wouldn't matter at all whether or not they did take into account scores for those, being a little reward or something for the students, not to be included in the final grade.

4. i felt like i was in a spy thriller movie, being tracked down by huimin in town today, trying to find my location. the laws of perpetual motion, lol. i would have paid if she'd seen me, haha. but nope, no luck. didn't come across me. (and it wasn't a game per se, and even if it was what's wrong with having a little fun)

5. hateful love, loving hate. how can you feel the same thing for someone at the same time? is the line that fine and thin? it invoves passion and intensity as well as extremity. may be a good thing after all, adds to the longevity of a relationship, especially if it's mutual in the right proportions.

6. madonna/esther's favourite brand (according to hadri), is Dolce & Gabbana. how apt, for a person like her. i can so understand why.

7. i need money, short of selling myself (if that's even possible) and doing anything computer/web-related. any ideas?

and the full moon glowed with a dull yellow tinge, as the hackles on his back were raised. he glanced up at the swirl of thin clouds veiling that off-orange sphere. lifting his head towards the sky, he howled. the sound reverberated through the trees.
quixoticka eulogized @ 1:41:00 am