now look, just because you do something doesn't mean i'm obliged to follow in your stupidity, or anything of that sort. i don't believe a single word you say, or claim in protest for yourself. you always had a problem with me but i was just too blinded earlier to see through all that. i guess then, that this is when the cracks started forming, only later did my eyes start to open. this is not a rosy world. this is not
friends, or
the brady bunch. this is
the matrix, where everything is an illusion that we try to sustain.
rmun yesterday was a fullday affair, and i woke up with a jolt at 9, peering bleary-eyed at my handphone. i thought i saw 12, which made me really afraid
that my E point would be cancelled. i hurriedly cabbed down to school, which i'm pissed at cos it's wasted money when i could have just gone to school myself. i wish i could have taken part in it before, it appears to be a rather fun experience. i say this without snobbery, that because i came from a top school, there was no way in hell i would have been allowed that privelege, unlike other schools. i mean, grace has taken part since sec2, and every year after! sometimes being in the best place isn't the best thing. the unofficially "gay-themed" fashion parade was funny at first but after awhile i got sick and tired of it, that i am now de-sensitized to the issue of homosexuality, with its constant inevitable stereotypical parodies. and probably the lowest of lows was italy, with netherlands coming in a close second. china was real funny, but i felt US and UK deserved their prizes. yup. that's about it.
go download will young's
leave right now! (hadri would love me for endorsing that man) it's great, sadly painful tinged with streaks of cautionary love, how contradictory. and something i can (almost) totally relate to.
hmm, how apt!
---------
boys will be boys,
girls will be girls.
i'm not your bitch-
don't be my 'ho.
nice rhyme huh, and everything's a single syllable. sounds crude and simple, but there's much more behind those 4 short lines. read it into what you may; a subject close to my heart, from then and today.
---------
what people don't understand, which isn't part of their nature that they cannot understand- they shun it, they pretend it doesn't exist. and so they reject it, refusing to believe, denying it existence. they mock it, as if treating it as a joke would lessen the pain of it bearing down on their conscience, but which their subconcious knows is true.
what if i told you that i like people of the same sex, instead of/besides the opposite one?
what if i told you that i have an urge to take people's belongings even though i have no need for them?
what if i told you that i force myself to vomit everything that i put into my mouth, gagging my throat with my fingers?
what if i told you that i suffer from depression and cut myself every night, blood dripping from the rooftop?
what if i told you that i love dressing up and acting as japanese anime characters?
what if i told you that i can see spirits, and that they are all around us?
would you say that i am a freak and i should be avoided?
would you say that i have a mental affliction?
would you say that i need help?
.....
...
.
what if i told you that i love you?
quixoticka eulogized @ 9:36:00 pm
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