and so it is over. very interesting feelings i have.

not gonna be typing very coherently. mind in a jumble. not entirely.. lucid.

sentosa learning journey on saturday. i didn't go. couldn't anyway. i had dental, and i was so tired i went home to sleep, only to wake up with my head throbbing. feeling feverish. i haven't even slept on my bed the whole of the past week. i feel like dying. i'm sick, literally. ok. don't want to whine. looks bad.

i don't want to go to school on monday. =(

ok vaish read my blog and she wants me to make clear that it was their characters going all muakmuak and not really them during last year's dfest. haha.

i'm really proud of the dfest team. yeah, nasty was right and it did start off on a very bad footing but i'm glad it turned out just fine. hadri, kelly, nasty, uni, azizul, liyana, chengchai, samjo, yingsze, shumin, yam, navjote, nash. great work! suddenly makes me want to do last year's piece again but that's kinda impossible what with people who won't want to join this time around, no longer in arts etc etc.

i've gone back to doing backstage, i noticed. heh. which is fine cos it's not so stressful but the whole experience made me feel like acting again. it's such an amazing feeling to be on stage. visceral. alive. unfortunately i don't think i'll get to do daisy cos there are just too many competitors who far outweigh my abilities. we'll just have to see how it goes i guess.

to be able to act well is a talent, and it should be treated with as much regard as it takes to get distinction in all the science olympiads. or winning a 7s game. or competently play 10 musical instruments. it's just me, perhaps. but then again, how do you measure something so subjective?

i got 4 flowers, and it surprises me cos i thought i wouldn't get anything. who on earth gives a non-actor/director? but thanks anyway for the nice gesture.

[am too zoned out to write anything worth reading, i shall come back later after some sleep]

[back at 12noon to finish this post]

with life settling into a somewhat decent state now, i guess i can focus more on work. for someone who could have been done without, the last 2 weeks can be considered a major waste of time. but the friendships made were really worth it.

still feeling sick.

and i don't like this one bit.

choices, choices. engine's 2C1, employing that Frostian "way leads on to way" idea. it may not be so cliched in real life, but it definitely applies still. sometimes it's not so much about 2 distinctly separate paths, but rather a path that suddenly diverges from one. that's it. and what about timing. we always get new choices as time goes on. similarly, doors close. timing is more paramount in making decisions, rather than the actual choice itself. even a bad choice can become good if made at a coincidentally opportune time. but then again, you couldn't plan for that, could you?

and hence comes the dilemma. to pick up a fifty dollar note on the floor further up a path that you can see? but if you did that, you wouldn't know that there'd be a hundred dollar note on another path as you head towards the fifty until it's too late. (blindspot, mah.) the gate has slammed shut. and you've got to just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming..

..hoping that the wind will blow away the fifty, and fling the gate wide open again. and then life'll play another joke on you by dropping a credit card at some other inacessible place. and the cycle will continue. timing, it's all about the timing. wouldn't it be great if you could pick up everything? it'd be really ironically funny then if you realise you're in a place where only barter trade is practised, and everything that you've coveted wasn't even important in the bigger picture.

but plan well, or else you won't even get ten cents. something's always better than nothing.

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i just realised that alot of the people that i've liked before... are all Aquarians.

is that supposed to be a coincidence? or maybe there's really something to horoscope profiling..

..and there's something just so great about them. that intangible feeling.

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i've been giving myself lovely birthday presents the past 2 years. ok, not that brilliant. but surprisingly nice. i hope mrs lim is right about her nice words for me and come PW results time.. it'll be another thing that i can say i achieved for myself, another feather in my cap. (her band4 doomsday prophecies seem to resound more and more every day) but we all know.. the biggie comes next year. the major one - that's the real challenge. hurr.
quixoticka eulogized @ 1:00:00 am