emotional luxuries and sentimentalities have to be thrown aside, there's just too much in the immediate and i can't allow myself to fall back anymore than i already have. it's hard, it's hard but.. but.. nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard~ chris martin has such a beautifully melancholic voice.
clearing my room and filing is like fighting a lost cause. sheafs and sheafs of paper that seem to just keep respawning over and over again. i gave up on GP already, and decided to just dump them all in a single stack. history alone is in 4 ring files, and i've hardly read half a file. but at least i can see my tabletop again, for starters. and my room looks much neater now. because i've pushed everything back into the cupboards, the closets. but at least it's more conducive for work now.
some things give me the determination to strive on.
thoughts of you, thoughts of me, thoughts of you and me.
and things that make me go
uh-huh.
-----
dear general You of not the past, but the present and maybe the future:
i'll do my best to adhere to this.
i don't want to be your villain. you win ok, you win. i'm sick of it. moral relativism, bullshit. if we followed that there'd be no end to it. there is only one right. and that's yours. all of yours except mine. all the time. a numbers game. vilification. history was written by the winners. always insisting, people always insisting on taking the moral highground. ok, sure. you can go stand there feeling all proud of yourself on your mound on the other end. you're higher, but we're all in the pit of fault. takes two to clap, to tango, to enter the amazing race. but to you it's survivor. just vote me out, already.
i hate acquiescing everytime shit happens because i obviously have pride, but you know, i'm always wrong. you're always right. happens all the time. there's no we are both wrong to you. in the past someone said i was too insistent and always wanting to win arguments and whatever, even if i was wrong. but i don't do that now anymore i guess. i changed. i was willing to give in as long as the other did. but no, it just left room for people to walk all over me and rub it in my face, because the moment i took a step back, they took it as a sign that i was surrendering. hey, ceasefire ok, not whiteflag.
but now, no more. i'm sick of fighting, cos in the long run we are all dead anyway. they say to choose your battles wisely. and so i'm choosing none at all. everyone'd be happy. so, go take your glories, and leave me alone. i'm not even going to play anymore. i'm not going to even bother picking out my RISK cards and start rolling the dice. you can have all my territories. i'm flinging my men out of the window. you win by default.
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i was gonna aim for BCDE for this commons (not really inspiring results, i know - but it's enough at the moment) but i think i may actually do worse than that.
anyway, some things are more important than my commontest grades.
http://hk.geocities.com/blood1213/fur.htmlignore the words written on the site. i don't even understand it myself, the english is that bad. you can get the main gist anyway, the video is what is to be watched. this is what PETA needs, really.
i guess i'm fine with eating meat from agrarian animals. social conditioning- some are fine to eat, some aren't. i couldn't live as a vegetarian anyway. i'd die of starvation. but skinning
live ones is something totally different. maybe i'm a hypocrite practising double standards, i don't know. i guess my main gripe is to do it to something that's still living and breathing.
quixoticka eulogized @ 5:45:00 pm
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