i'm very pleased and satisfied with myself! i conquered certain things since i've been gone. such as my lethargy, my procrastination and my shyness. things are looking good in certain respects. very, very good. but then others seem to be going down. it's always like that. i think there's like, a balance that has to be struck. not everything can be going well at once. so these things just keep on see-sawing away. how annoying.

want an amazing time, want a family.
how did the years go by, now it's only me.

coming to school nowadays is just weird. with the lack of any real extra-curricular activities, it's gonna be hard to swallow the next few weeks while everyone's still engaged in their commitments. only after will everyone be united again in solidarity against the common demon. there's this strange unifying effect that exams have on people. those who normally won't talk to each other would. and it feels different, going home extremely early, the like. i remember on the last day of commontests, when the whole class was sitting together in the canteen mugging our brains out with sukarno and supranational economies for a few hours on end, after pc. it was amazing, that experience. something that doesn't happen often, i feel. anyway, i find myself laughing alot more and talking lots more crap these days but it doesn't mean i truly feel happy. i guess it's just a good way to dull oneself of a sinking feeling one gets about life, blah-ing the days away jibing about mad menageries, and being trapped in one. thank goodness for brian's silly shit.

naturally i'm worried if i do it alone

i guess that's why i didn't really blog. because there was nothing to blog about in the first place! i don't pretend to lead a very intriguing life, not at this period of time anyway. so, why fill it up with pointless things? i'm not you, and i guess i'll never be. existence is slowly dwindling away, i subsist on.. i don't know what actually. but i still make it every day because of.. what? it's hard to get the big picture of life when you're too poor of experiences to buy plasma tv.

who really cares cause it's your life
you never know it could be great

i've got an idea for a great script, anyhow. based on real life experiences still fresh in my mind. and no, nothing to do with being confused or hiding secrets or any of that rubbish. the best thing is, there won't be any queer characters this time. haha, wc i shall give you a run for your money! i think $1600 is more than enough for you.

like an echo pedal, you're repeating yourself
you know it all by heart
why are you standing in one place

stupid things. i don't know why people do/did them. you, and i, then. and him, now. surely logic would ordain that it just wouldn't be right. and that's where things like avarice, lust, love and various other shitty knicknacks come in. screwing around with your head, and all reason goes out the window. the heart wants want the head cannot offer and denies.

a scary conversation, shut my eyes, can't find the brake
what if they say that you're a climber

and i have been convinced that i should take my SATs in acjc so that i can see "hotstuff" when it would be much more prudent to have it at a more convenient location. i figured the singapore american school would be a better bet since expatriates' marginal propensity to be hot would be higher than locals (that is NOT an economics formula), and that's not just an interracial fetish. however i was told that no one would be there in the hols, especially since the angmohs don't need SATs. right, like ac people would be in school too ah. sheesh, anyway two heads are better than one, but only one can function at a time. hopefully the right ones at the right times.

take a chance cos you might grow

how cute! the class got me a pair of briefs, belatedly, in a snug little jar for my birthday with a risqué logo, and i originally intended to post pictures of it up here but annoyingly, of the 2 digicams at home, one's cable is missing and the other has flat batteries, and there are NO working batteries at all at home. stupid. well, i think the motif makes me sound really whorish.. but nevermind. hoho, the 'tasty' chickenwings were good too.

i know it's so messed up, how our society all thinks (for sure)
life is short, you're capable

anyway, in line with my latent mediawhore aspirations, i've decided to start archiving again. i stopped archiving for quite awhile because i was horrified of the prospect that people besides yourself could dig up what was written previously. i mean, once you miss it then it's over la. too bad if you don't check regularly. however, i was informed that it takes about a month for whatever that's published to reach the google database, so by that time everything'd be gone. which makes it technically impossible for anyone to reach me via google besides searching for my blog address. anyway, most of the weird searches people get using statcounter contain a combination of words taken from assorted posts spanning a few months or more. an average of 30 people a day just isn't enough, i guess. why does xiaxue get an average of a few thousand a day? she doesn't even deserve it, overrated woman. i mean i'm just as bitchy and i write better. what's so great about her? maybe it's cos i'm not chio or something, i don't know. whatever the case, one can always try!

this post was damn "shiphonic" man. or was it "shipherensik"?

what you waiting for?! take a chance you stupid 'HO.
quixoticka eulogized @ 12:22:00 am